Working with couples has become a spiritual practice for me: When I allow myself to be fully present with each couple, I begin to see the unique spark they bring to life. My task is to help them create a marriage ceremony which shares this spark with their families and community, and which sheds light on what marriage means to them and what they hope to create in their marriage with one another.

Marriage as spiritual practice

In marriage we create an intentional haven, so we may live according to our core values. In asking us to choose or craft our own vows, marriage reminds us that we are each responsible to listen to the yearning of our heart, giving it voice, and living from that identity. By making our vows publicly, we ask our spouse and our community to help us live into our truest self, to hold us responsible for living from that depth.

Marriage is a spiritual discipline, inviting the human family into intentional community of the heart, where we begin to understand the power we have to help one another on life’s journey to wholeness, happiness, meaning and fulfillment, as individuals, couples, families and communities.

Interfaith ceremonies

I’ve led many ‘interfaith’ ceremonies for couples who no longer identify from within a faith tradition, but hope to honor the traditions of their families  in a dignified and heart-felt ceremony.

In most cases, I’m the sole officiant, but I’ve also enjoyed co-officiating with Hindu priests, Christian ministers, Jewish rabbis, a Mormon deacon, Pagan priestesses and priests, a Bahai and a Zoroastrian priest. I’ve been called ‘rabbi’ several times - I take that as a compliment!

Same-Sex Weddings?............... Yes!

What kind of a minister are you?

I was ordained as a Unitarian Universalist (UU) minister in 1992, after four years of post-graduate training. UU’ism is a ‘post-Christian’ religion with deep roots in American Congregationalism, evolving from two liberal Protestant denominations, over more than 200 years. UU’s approach Truth as being too vast for any one set of scriptures, stories or practices. So UU services draw from all the world’s religions and wisdom teachings, ancient and contemporary. In UU congregations, Christians sit next to Buddhists and agnostics, atheists, Pagans, Jews, and mystics. In weddings, UU ministers focus on the couple, with expertise in facilitating an interfaith ceremony (because ours are interfaith congregations).

The first wedding I officiated was for a lesbian couple in California in 1988. I served on the Steering Committee of the North Carolina Religious Coalition for Marriage Equality. Not only is marriage a spiritual practice it is also a civil right.

Isn’t a ceremony just another hoop to jump through?

No. When crafted with reflection and intention, weddings are among the few real rites of passage and public ritual in our culture. They remind us that we are part of something larger than ourselves. The guests at a wedding amplify the intent of the couple. The ceremony becomes a touchstone for the marriage, especially important in times of challenge and change.

How I work with couples

If we live nearby, I meet with you three times. (For couples at a distance, we can do phone conference calls.)

At the first session, I listen to your hopes, needs, assumptions and questions about the ceremony. We talk about your religious and spiritual paths. I give you a one-page questionnaire to complete for our second session.

At the second sessions, I listen to your responses to the questionnaire; we talk about your families, models of marriage, and ethnic heritage. I give you two packets to review for our third meeting: one has 25 sets of vows; the other goes step-by-step through the elements of a ceremony; it has a job description for a Point Person, to help us get the ceremony started in a timely smooth way; it has checklists for the rehearsal, props, things to send me before the ceremony; it includes a sampling of optional readings and the names of a few anthologies about love and marriage.

At the third meeting, we go through the flow of the ceremony and frequently leave that meeting with a clear idea of how it’s going to go, what your tasks are and what you’d like me to include in the script.

Between our third meeting and the rehearsal, you are free to call or email me with any questions. And we can always meet again if need be.

I usually come to the rehearsal.

The day of the ceremony I arrive at least a half hour before the ceremony begins.

My fee varies depending on the location and complexity of the preparation.

I’d be glad to talk with you about your ceremony. Yes, I travel (from home in northeast Ohio). Email or call me:(mary@marygrigolia.com), 919-452-4194, 216-539-3784